No one knows better than you how much time and money it takes to raise children. So, when you suddenly find yourself unexpectedly pregnant, you have a difficult decision to make.
It is not uncommon for women who are already struggling to raise kids to consider making an adoption plan for their next child. But explaining your decision to your other children with love and honesty is essential.
Am I Wrong for Considering Adoption for My Child?
It is never wrong to want the best for your children. You know what you are capable of. If adding another mouth to feed or one more child to care for is out of the question, adoption can be the perfect solution.
With your first or second child, family and friends may have offered to help but have been unavailable when needed. The lack of help strains your monthly budget and leaves you little time for the children you have.
Although a difficult decision, adoption provides your child with a loving family and the security they need. It is a caring, challenging, and selfless choice.
Talking With Your Children
As you consider sharing your decision with your other children, several factors determine how you tell them.
- What are the ages of the children in your home?
- How many children are under your care?
- Are you employed and in a safe living environment?
- Are you currently in a relationship with your children’s father?
- Is the father of your baby involved in your life now?
Begin the Conversation
Start talking to your children as soon as you have decided adoption is the best step. Don’t tell them you are “thinking about it.” They need to feel confident in your decision.
Find Age-Appropriate Books
Head to the library and check out books about adoption for the different age groups. There are wonderful books for toddlers through teens that will help them grasp the concept. Books are a perfect way to start a conversation.
Use Correct Adoption Language
Most people mistakenly use the term “giving up” a child when referring to adoption. You never want your children to feel you are giving up. Use words like “placing this baby” or “making an adoption plan” instead.
Assure your children this baby is loved just like them. Explain in simple terms that you want the best for all of your children, which is why you are choosing adoption for this baby. Let them know, without a doubt, that your decision is for this new baby only.
Involve Them in the Process
If you choose an open or semi-open adoption, your children can have contact with their siblings. Older children can even be a part of selecting the perfect adoptive couple.
Your little ones can draw pictures, write notes, or purchase special toys to give to the adoptive parents for their little brother or sister.
Let Them Share Their Emotions
Depending on their age, your children may be frightened that you would make this choice for them, too. Let them ask questions, express their concerns, and openly grieve. It will help them understand that adoption is a difficult decision for everyone, but sometimes difficult decisions are best.
Would You Like More Information?
We are not an adoption agency, but we can offer referrals to reputable adoption coordinators in our area. If you have recently discovered you are unexpectedly pregnant and would like to discuss your options, we’re here for you.